Animals That Will Eat Themselves to Death if Given the Chance

27May10

DAY &.

This is a topic I think most Americans will enjoy. What do we like more than eating, and eating in gross quantities I ask.

Doing it to animals

Well here are some animals that we won’t have to force feed to epic proportions. Instead, these eating machines will eat and eat until they explode provided that there is something within reach to swallow whole.

The Burmese Python

The BBC news story sums this one up pretty well: “The Burmese python tried to swallow its fearsome rival whole but then exploded.” Now from my visits to Burma and extensive python knowledge I’d say this isn’t typical python behavior. The news article makes it sound like the two animals were engaged in some sort of western showdown. The python had the upper hand, but the alligator used its dying strength to RIP N TEAR its way out of the python’s belly. I really have to wonder how the alligator allowed itself to be swallowed in the first place. They must be sound sleepers.

Gator: “Ahh that was a nice afternoon nap. O SHIT WHY ARE YOU SWALLOWING ME.”
Python: “OH HI THERE.”

The Pac-Man Toad

The Pac Man Toad is nature’s couch potato. It literally does nothing but eat and squat on dry patches between meals. As one would hopefully assume, the toad gets its nickname because it will try to eat practically ANYTHING regardless of size. As this photo I found on the photobuckets illustrates.

Notice how the Pac Man Toad attempts to devour the man whole.

The toad can do this because of a row of vicious little teeth that latch on to luckless prey. When the toad stupidly bites something larger than itself, the toad gets stuck. It quickly dies of suffocation or embarassment. Why do I know so much about these toads? I was thinking of getting one to help with my insect problem.

The Man Eating Catfish

sup

When I first saw this picture I was sure that it was a baby whale shark! No, it is just a cat fish that has reached epic proportions feasting upon river sludge in China. Perhaps some industrial waste has transformed it into a mega catfish. Script of Mega Catfish vs. Godzilla. Giant fish meets giant lizard over Tokyo. The catfish goes down quick under Godzilla’s atomic heat breath. Japan enjoys unlimited fish ‘n’ chips for days. The world rejoices.

There is a myth in Burma that the catfish keeps on eating because it cannot sense how full it is getting. If this is true, I can only imagine the eons of constantly starving fish that eventually evolved into what we call the catfish today.

Fish A: “Man I’m dying of hunger, I don’t even want to do anything right now”
Fish B: “I’M NOT LOLOLOL. SEE YOU LATER I’M GOING TO GO BANG SOME CHICKS MAN”

And the rest is history.

disclaimer: I don’t take credit for owning any of these pictures.